


Karma

by triste



Category: Bleach
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-21
Updated: 2012-11-21
Packaged: 2017-11-19 05:18:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/569531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/triste/pseuds/triste
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I am not repressed! I just don't like hugs!"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Karma

Title: Karma  
Author: Triste  
Fandom: Bleach  
Pairing: Kon/Ichigo  
Rating: R  
Status: Complete  
Disclaimer: Not mine

~~

It was late when Ichigo finally snuck in through the window of his bedroom, but Kon was waiting for him on the edge of the bed. Ichigo was surprised to pick up on two things. First of all, he noticed Rukia's conspicuous absence. Then he noticed how bruised and battered Kon was.

"What the Hell did you do to get yourself beaten up like that?" Ichigo asked irritably. "Not that I really care about what happens to you, but it's *my* body you're in, and if anything happens to it while you're left in charge... well, I'll wait until you get back into your stuffed animal form. Then I'll stamp on you for a while."

"Don't talk like that!" Kon said, looking hurt. "I didn't do anything *too* bad!"

"Then where'd you get all the bruises?"

"Nee-san gave me them."

"*Rukia* did that?!"

"Uh-huh. I think I made her really mad."

Well, that explained why she wasn't around at least.

Ichigo sighed in annoyance as he sat down next to Kon and took his chin in his hand, turning his head to one side and cursing when he saw that Kon's lip was split and bleeding. His left eye was swollen and puffy and would most likely develop a spectacular-looking bruise when Ichigo returned to his body and woke up the following morning.

Sure, Rukia was tiny, but she judging by the marks she'd left behind on Kon's face, she also packed one Hell of a punch.

Ichigo finally let go of Kon and crossed over to the other side of the room in search of the first-aid kit he kept for occasions such as this one. "Well? Is that all she did to you?"

Kon fixed his gaze on his feet and mumbled something incomprehensible. Then he glanced up to find Ichigo glaring at him menacingly, and he cringed. "Um... she might have socked me in the gut a couple of times... and I think she kicked me between the legs..."

Ichigo gawked in disbelief. "You *think* she kicked you between the legs?"

Kon's eyes welled up with tears and he flung himself onto Ichigo with a sob. "It was really, really painful! I thought she was actually going to kill me! I've never hurt so much in my life!"

Ichigo struggled to peel Kon's arms away from his waist. "So why did she beat the crap out of you like that? What did you say to piss her off so badly?"

Kon's expression was torn between guilt and shame, and Ichigo knew that he wasn't going to like whatever words were about to come out of the Mod Soul's mouth. "It wasn't actually what I *said*... it's really more a case of what I *did*..."

Ichigo wrapped his hands around Kon's neck with a snarl and shook him. He no longer cared about damaging his own body even further. He just wanted to take his temper out on the person who deserved it the most. "Well, what *did* you do, you little bastard?"

"I... I kind of got a little over-excited... and I found out that Nee-san doesn't enjoy being humped..."

It took a second or two to sink in, but once it did, Ichigo was furious. "You were *humping* her? What the Hell is wrong with you?!"

Kon tried to choke out an answer, but Ichigo's grip was far too tight around his throat. It was only when Ichigo saw the slightly bluish tinge to Kon's cheeks that he finally let him go. Kon coughed and desperately sucked in air until he could finally find the strength to speak again. "It wasn't *my* fault, you know! It's yours! All yours!"

Ichigo could only stare. "How is it *my* fault?!"

"You're a teenager! If you didn't get horny so easily, then I wouldn't have gotten so worked-up around Nee-san!"

"*You're* the one who's horny, not me! I don't even *like* Rukia in that way, and now she's going to hate me forever, just because you tried to molest her! You're lucky she didn't call the *police*! You could be sitting in *jail* right now for doing something like that!"

Kon rolled his eyes. "It's not *that* big a deal. I even apologised afterwards, but Nee-san wouldn't hear it. She just told me to drop dead and never come near her again." Then he started sniffling pathetically. "I'm sure she didn't mean it, though. A life without Nee-san isn't even worth living! Nee-san is my guiding light. Nee-san is my saviour. Nee-san is the reason for my very existence! I merely showered her with affection the only way I know how!"

"By trying to get into her panties, you pervert?"

"There was nothing perverted about it! It was all in the name of romance and true love!"

Ichigo gave a sceptical sounding snort. "Yeah, well, you deserved what you got, so don't you dare try doing something so crazy again, you hear?"

"You're just saying that because you've never had feelings for a woman before," Kon said sulkily. "You're not even old enough to *think* about sex, let alone *have* it!"

Ichigo's cheeks flushed brightly with embarrassment. "Don't say stuff like that, you freak! It's disturbing!"

"You're only saying that because you're a kid! You even think *kissing* is gross!"

"That's because it is!"

"It is not! Kissing is one of the best things in the whole world!"

"Oh, and you've done a lot of that in your lifetime?"

"Not exactly... but I read lots of mature magazines while you're studying at school!"

A light bulb suddenly went off in Ichigo's head. "So *you're* the one who brought that filthy stuff into my room! I thought Dad had put it there as a joke or something. But anyway, you can say goodbye to your poster girls, because I'll be burning them all tomorrow."

"No! You can't do that! I'm *attached* to those women!" Kon looked truly horrified as he latched onto Ichigo's arm and shook him urgently. "Please don't burn them. It's inhumane! I can't be expected to survive without pornography!"

"Then you can just curl up and die. It'd be a lot less trouble for me if you did."

"How cruel! I thought you understood me, Ichigo! I thought you were my *friend*!"

"The Hell I understand you! You're permanently horny, and you talk a load of crap!"

"I'm also really knowledgeable. I could teach you lots of things about girls!"

"I don't *want* to know about girls! Besides, my old man gave me that stupid talk about the birds and the bees when I was nine. I plugged my fingers in my ears for most of it, and then spent the rest of the lecture kicking him in the face."

"No wonder you're so uneducated. You need to learn how to love a woman's squishy bits! Take Nee-san, for example. She's so wonderful and soft, and everything is perfectly formed... and she smells really good, too. Nee-san has the most heavenly scent!"

Ichigo made a face of disgust and looked away. "Stop talking about Rukia like that, it's gross! Besides, it isn't even her *real* body, so what are you getting excited about?"

Kon merely blinked. "The fact that she's in a gigai has nothing to do with it. Besides, this isn't my real body, either!"

"No, it's *my* body, and I want you to get the Hell out of it already before I end up strangling myself!"

"Can't I just keep it for a little while longer? Pretty please? I promise I won't let anymore harm come to it. I won't even move from this bed! Besides, you can't return to your body until Nee-san forces me out of it with her glove, and it could be hours before she comes home!"

Ichigo sighed in annoyance. He knew that Kon was right and he hated it. "Fine. Just... go to sleep or something and stop bothering me."

"But I'm not tired!"

"Then lie down and close your eyes! You'll soon nod off!"

"No I won't! How can I possibly be expected to sleep with thoughts of Nee-san flitting through my mind?" Kon brightened suddenly. "Actually, that's a good idea. If I fall asleep, then I'll have lots of dirty dreams!"

Ichigo punched him in the gut with a snarl. "On second thought, don't fall asleep. And stop perving over Rukia already. It's freaking me out!"

"What else am I supposed to do when I'm horny?"

"You... you're *what*?!"

"I'm horny and I want Nee-san! Or Inoue-san... heck, any girl would do! I want those two most, though."

"I thought Rukia kicked you where it hurts?"

"She did, but your equipment is still functioning as normal. You'll still be able to have children when you're older."

"What the... I don't *want* children! And dammit, stop touching yourself, it's *gross*! Not to mention it's *my* body!"

"But I'm hooorny..."

"Then go take a cold shower or something!"

"I want sex! And women! And porn! Doesn't your father have any dirty videos lying around?"

"How should I know?! Keep your hands to yourself!"

"I'm not doing any harm, am I? I said that I wouldn't move from this bed, didn't I?"

"I never told you to start touching my body like that, you freak! Now stop it already, before I knock you out! Dammit, I said *stop*!"

Kon ceased what he'd been doing abruptly when Ichigo grabbed hold of his hands, and for a moment, they just stared at each other. Ichigo's glare disappeared the second he found himself pinned beneath Kon, though, and at first, he was too shocked to even struggle.

"O-oi... what's gotten into you?"

Kon didn't answer him straightaway. Instead he gazed down at Ichigo, and then began moving his hips very slowly and deliberately. Ichigo's eyes widened, and a startled-sounding squeak escaped from his throat.

"What the Hell is wrong with you? Have you lost your mind?!" He tried to wriggle out from underneath Kon, but the Mod Soul kept him pinned. "Let me up, dammit!"

Kon shook his head. "I'm not letting you up. Besides, I just realised something."

"You mean you've realised that you're cracking up?"

"No. I realised that I have a few things that I need to pay you back for."

"What are you talking about?"

"You know what I mean. The way you always throw me around when I'm in my stuffed animal form. The way you always kick me or stamp on me or beat me against the side of the wall."

"Oh, so that's what this is all about. Okay then, I apologise for mistreating you, I'm sorry that I abused you, and I promise that I'll be nicer in the future. Now will you let me up?"

Ichigo still had no idea what had come over Kon to make him act so strangely, but found himself being reminded that, as a Mod Soul, Kon had powers that he didn't. They'd fought briefly the first time Kon possessed his body, and Kon had kicked him hard enough to really hurt.

"Are you trying to pick another fight? I've been chasing after Hollows all night long, and I'm really not in the mood to play these stupid games. Let go of me!"

Kon simply chose to arch his hips once more, and Ichigo gasped in surprise. He couldn't remember closing his eyes, but he was quick to open them again when he felt Kon's mouth closing over his. He could taste the bitter tang of blood from Kon's split lip, and he realised dimly in the back of his mind that the kiss was fairly tentative. It almost felt like Kon was feeling out the territory, so to speak. Either that or he was afraid of Ichigo actually biting him. Ichigo was far too stunned to do anything of the sort, and Kon seemed satisfied enough when he finally drew back.

"That wasn't too bad now, was it?" he said casually. "I always thought it would be nasty to kiss another guy, but I guess it doesn't really count if it's you."

Ichigo blinked stupidly for a second or two before coming back to his senses. "What the Hell is that supposed to mean? Why did you kiss me, anyway?"

"I told you already, I'm horny. Besides, I've kissed you before."

"Since when?!"

"Nee-san made me do it. You were off fighting some super-strong Hollow, and she had to force me into your soulless body."

"You're a freak! And a weirdo! And a bastard pervert!"

"I'm also stronger than you are. Or didn't you notice?"

Kon tightened his grip on Ichigo's wrists, and Ichigo winced as Kon demonstrated a little of his power. "As if, asshole. Now get the Hell off of me!"

"So that you can punch me and stamp on me again? I'm not in my stuffed animal body now, you know."

"And you want to get back at me?"

"Well, it's karma, isn't it? What goes around comes around. You get what you give. That's what Nee-san says, anyway."

"I beat the crap out of your plush form, so you molest my soul in return? That doesn't make any sense!"

"Of course it doesn't. I haven't started molesting you yet."

"What the... I thought you wanted porn and women?!"

"I do, but they're not really around right now. Just think of it as making the best of a bad situation. Anyway, I like kinky things, and it doesn't get any kinkier than having sex with yourself. I'm not into guys, but at least you aren't ugly. And I've gotten to know your body pretty well by now. I know that stuff like this makes you feel good."

Again he chose to demonstrate, this time by rocking his hips languidly against Ichigo. Ichigo bit down on his lip to keep himself from moaning, and he managed to glare witheringly up at Kon. "The Hell it feels good to have you humping me like that!"

Kon grinned impishly. "I think you're lying."

"I am *not* lying!"

"Then why are you getting hard?"

Ichigo's cheeks flushed indignantly. "I'm not lying, and I'm not getting hard! You're making stuff up!"

"No I'm not. And it's kind of nice being between your legs like this. It isn’t as good as having a real girl, but you can still take it like one, right?"

"Hell no! I refuse!"

"It can be part of your education. I'm a really good teacher, and I know all about sex."

"Are you even listening to me?!"

"Sure I'm listening to you. Let's make love!"

"That's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard."

"Really? I say it to Nee-san all the time. She never takes me up on my offer, though."

"Gee, I wonder why."

Instead of taking offence from that comment, Kon merely reached down and tugged at the tie around Ichigo's waist, loosening it just enough so that he could part his robes and reveal the naked skin that had been hidden underneath them. The grin on his face was disturbing to say the least, and Ichigo pushed his hands away irritably.

"Stop it, you idiot! Do you really want me to hit you again that badly?"

Kon refused to be distracted, and Ichigo squirmed when Kon ran a hand slowly over his chest. It felt unsettling to be touched by someone who was essentially himself, and for the first time, he wondered if Kon had actually meant what he'd said earlier. Then he wondered if Kon was picturing something insane inside his head. Kon would be strange enough to substitute him for Rukia, at least in his mind's eye.

Kon was still grinning, though, as he worked on undoing the lower half of Ichigo's uniform, and Ichigo could only stare in shock as Kon shrugged out of his tee shirt seconds later.

"O-oi... why are we getting naked?"

Kon blinked, and then gave him the sort of look that people usually tended to reserve for the mentally challenged. "Well, it's not like we can do much with our clothes on, you know."

"But... but... we can't do this!"

"Why not?"

"Because I have a History test in the morning!"

"What does *that* have to do with anything?"

"I need to study! I don't have time to fool around like this!"

"Why are you humans always so *stupid*? How many times have I told you that you need to start enjoying yourself once in a while? It really wouldn't kill you. I might have been more sympathetic if you'd said that you were too chicken, but-"

"Who the Hell are you calling 'chicken'?!"

"You *are* a chicken! You're too scared to even learn about your own body!"

"Only because *you're* inside it!"

"You're a healthy teenage boy! You need to masturbate more!"

"No I don’t! And stop *touching* me already!"

As always, Kon refused to listen, and Ichigo soon shut up when he felt warm, callused fingers wrapping around his arousal.

"This is a good way to get rid of stress, you know," Kon told him conversationally as he began to move his hand.

"T-that's what you said about running," Ichigo stammered. "Besides, I'm not stressed."

"Yes you are. You're always frowning and yelling. This is better than running, though. Running doesn't give you happy, fuzzy feelings."

"I don't *want* any happy, fuzzy feelings!"

"Even though I'm giving them to you for free?"

"S-shut up, idiot!"

"Oh, I get it. Less conversation, more action. Is that what you mean?"

Ichigo wished that he could bite out a clever-sounding retort, but it was a struggle for him to remain quiet as Kon continued to touch him. For all his claims that he preferred the female of the species, Kon really seemed to know what he was doing when it came to stimulating Ichigo. Knowledge like that could only have come from first-hand practise and exploration, and Ichigo twitched a little when he realised how Kon must have kept himself occupied whenever he'd left him alone and in charge of his body.

Still, he couldn't keep from gasping when Kon began to quicken his movements. His breathing had started to grow heavier, and his hips were rocking against his will. He felt hot and flushed all over, and it didn't really help to have Kon staring at him like he was cataloguing his every reaction.

When Kon leaned down to kiss him again, Ichigo turned his head to the side with a whimper. He could feel the warmth of Kon's breath against the corner of his mouth, and it made him shiver inexplicably. He shuddered again when Kon blew lightly into his ear, then tensed when Kon pressed little kisses over his neck.

He couldn't control his own body's responses anymore, and Kon seemed to have noticed. It had gotten to the point where Ichigo didn't want Kon to move his hand away anymore. Instead, he wanted him to move it faster, and he found himself arching up involuntarily with a groan.

He expected Kon to tease him, but surprisingly, the Mod Soul gave him what he'd been asking for. His grip on Ichigo's erection was snug but not too tight, and Ichigo panted as he felt the pressure building inside of him, knowing that it wouldn't take much longer before it released, and helpless to do anything to stop it.

He lifted a hand to his mouth and tried to stifle his cries as he came, biting down on his knuckles until they almost bled, and after that, there was nothing but bliss. Ichigo dimly realised that Kon was speaking to him, but his hearing seemed muffled, and his vision was strangely blurred as he gazed blankly up at the ceiling.

Ichigo couldn't remember ever being so relaxed before. It hurt to admit that Kon was right, and that he'd just relieved a Hell of a lot of stress, but he couldn't even work up the energy to move his mouth and form the words. It was enough of an effort just to catch his breath, and although the situation was still completely bizarre, Ichigo didn't think that he'd mind if he just closed his eyes and let his relaxation carry him off into a state of slumber.

Unfortunately, Kon had to interrupt his newfound peace by wriggling on top of him as he worked himself free of his pants. He even prodded Ichigo back to consciousness, and Ichigo snarled half-heartedly as the Mod Soul continued to flop around like a freshly caught fish.

"Can't you stay still for five freaking minutes?" he asked, cracking open an eye in irritation.

"I haven't had my turn yet!" Kon said irritably. "See, you're just like any other typical guy! You're perfectly willing to roll over and fall asleep before your partner can even get off!"

"What's wrong with that? Just see to yourself instead. You've done it before, haven't you?"

"You *owe* me one, Ichigo! I deserve to be taken care of! If you don't do something, the karma police will come after you!"

"Because I'm *so* scared of something that doesn't even exist."

"That's what you said about Shinigami, and look how things turned out!"

"Stop bitching already! You'll be asking me to snuggle with you next!"

"Well, I wouldn't mind..."

"Ugh, you really *are* a freak."

"Hey, I take what I can get! It's not like I have much of a choice or anything! Look, if you do this, I'll be quiet. I promise." And with that, Kon grabbed onto Ichigo's hand so that he could guide it down to his crotch. "Pretty please?"

Maybe Ichigo would have been more disturbed if he'd actually been alert, but it didn't seem like too much trouble to take Kon into his hand and start pumping him slowly. It *was* his body, after all. Kon just happened to be occupying it for a while.

At first Ichigo hadn't wanted to watch, but curiosity got the better of him in the end. It was strange to see his own face staring back at him and making the kind of expressions that he'd never usually think of showing. He was used to seeing himself scowling and frowning, but it was something else completely to be able to watch as Kon sighed and smiled blissfully.

Kon whined impatiently when Ichigo's hand began to falter, and he opened his eyes with an impatient little moan. "Why are you stopping?"

Ichigo blinked in surprise, staring down at his fingers and then back at Kon. "I just noticed something," he said absently. "I never knew until now how much I take after my mom when I smile like that."

"And you dare to call *me* a weirdo? *I'm* not the guy who thinks about his mother during sex!!"

"I *wasn't* thinking about her like that, you bastard! And anyway, does it *look* as though we're doing it to you?"

"We're not doing anything right now, and it's all your fault! Move your hand again, otherwise I'll die of frustration, and then you'll never be able to return to your body!"

"You can't die. You're a Mod Soul!"

"I *will* end up dying if you don't finish this soon!"

Ichigo cursed under his breath, but did as Kon had ordered as he beat him off in swift, smooth strokes. Kon was whining again, but he sounded much happier this time as Ichigo returned the favour that Kon had given him earlier.

Again he couldn't help staring, and when Kon groaned and shuddered in release, there was only one thing Ichigo had to say to him.

"Do I really look that weird when I come?"

Kon took his time in responding, though Ichigo hadn't really expected to hear an answer from him. "Everyone makes funny faces when they climax, stupid. It's just one of the reasons why human beings are so bizarre."

Ichigo contemplated that for a moment as he waited for the Mod Soul to finish catching his breath. Kon was flushed and panting, and his bangs were damp and matted. If Ichigo hadn't known the reasons for his exertion, he would have assumed that Kon was simply feverish, but the dazed and contented grin wasn't really something that any sick person would wear.

Ichigo supposed that he really ought to have seen what was coming when Kon's grin widened even further, but he still couldn't help twitching madly as Kon flung his arms around his neck and nestled closer to him.

"Get off me, you fool!" he snapped as he tried to break Kon's iron grip.

"Nuh-uh," Kon replied, tightening his arms and nuzzling his cheek against Ichigo's. "You promised me some cuddle time, remember?"

"The Hell I did! Stop *hugging* me already, it's gross!"

"It isn't gross, it's perfectly natural! If you weren't so repressed, you would realise that!"

"I am *not* repressed! I just don't like hugs!"

"What are you talking about? Everyone loves hugs. Just think of it as a way to make up for all of the abuse you've put me through."

"For the last time, I-"

The two of them ceased arguing abruptly when the bedroom window slid open and a familiar dark-haired figure poked its head through warily. Ichigo froze in horror, as did Kon. Rukia merely gawked for a moment and then cleared her throat.

"I think I'll spend the night at Urahara's..."

 

End.


End file.
